I have always been obsessed, and somewhat distraught, with the idea of aging. I have been lamenting about the loss of youth in my posts, complaining about not being able to look in the mirror or that I can’t believe I am at this age and all of that. Well, this morning I had a thought when I briefly heard on the radio “…gets better with age.” Didn’t hear the rest, just that tidbit.

I started thinking… there are some things that have gotten better with age. Then I started thinking, maybe I don’t have to completely view it in such a negative light. I have had so much experience, good and bad, some of which I wouldn’t trade for the world. I have gathered wisdom and can look back at life with greater awareness. I can see things through a different lens and find greater joy in learning something new. I didn’t have this insight or the same joy when I was young. I make better decisions now, not all great, but the mistakes I made, I won’t make again. Or at least, not intentionally and if I do, I will have experience to fall back on. 

I was also looking at some pictures. There are certain things about my face I actually like better now! Can’t believe it. I know I sound rather vain but looks have always been important to me. I think it was probably because my Mom, with good intentions… in her mind… told me I was ugly when I was growing up. Later in life, she said she didn’t want me to be stuck up so the solution was to call me ugly. Well, I have a complex about it now. But I digress…

Aging might not be so bad after all. The body aches though… I can do without all that but I could probably contribute my aches and pains to not really moving much in general. So, that is my next step. Exercise. Keep my body moving until it can’t anymore!

I guess the point I’m making is that it doesn’t have to be all bad. Yes, I miss some periods of my life more than others. I don’t miss the super depressed parts and the addiction parts… those things can pound sand. I also miss my Mom. I wish that she could have seen me turn 40. I imagine all the things she would say. She’d probably call me old haha But these things are not really about aging, not really. They just happen. Depression and addiction can happen at any time. I wish this didn’t steal years of life. I could turn it around and make sure that it doesn’t steal my future years though! If things played out differently with my Mom’s illness, she might still be alive today. I wish this didn’t steal years of a future with her in it. I can’t do anything about that now though.

I need to have some gratitude. Many people do not get the luxury of “aging.” I am fortunate that I get the opportunity to experience life. It’s a precious gift that should not be taken for granted.

I’ll be honest though, my brain just had a paranoid thought, “I better not say that and it be the last thing I say!” One of you will hear the news about something happening to me and you’ll say, omg, she just said she was fortunate to experience life and now… Yikes! Going to stop myself there.

Anyway, I’m rambling but I guess that was the point of the blog. Have a nice Monday everyone!