I think too much. So much, it is debilitating. I thought, for a long time, that I would write a blog but never did because I thought people wouldn’t give a damn. I realize now, it is just for me. To get all these words and feelings on paper to get it out.

And so here I am, it is 2023. I originally started writing this on a typewriter made in 1953. The typewriter is my creative outlet when it comes to writing. It creates a different experience in the realm of writing. I feel more connected and so all my posts will start on my 1953 typewriter. But I do wonder… what am I going to do with all the paper it will create?

I never thought about this moment, when I would be a 40 year old woman, staring at a past I will never get back. I never thought I would feel this way. I spent the last 40 years thinking I had so much time ahead of me. I don’t have that feeling anymore. I look back and think that about all the time I wasted, again, always thinking that I had time so I did stupid things and let things steal years from me when I dealt with depression, addiction, and then cancer. These stole some good years that I will never get back.

I think I will delve into that at a later time. Now, I think that things must change. I’ve been there and done that. I’ve lived that life and now it is done. So what does my new life look like? Another series of experiences that I will look back on again.